Hi, this is my first blog. Never blogged before, so please excuse me if I seem like a noob. Which, of course, I am
Welcome! I am on a journey to lose 110 pounds by May of 2013. I don’t
know if I will be able to do it, but I’m going to give it all I got. I
am very determined as I am going on a trip of a lifetime to London,
England. This will be my first time visiting that country, and my first
time being out of the United States.
I need to get down to 200 pounds. Yes, that makes me an obese 310 pound woman.
My husband is from London, England, and hasn’t been back since we got
married in 2005. He is very excited, but probably not as excited as I
am.
I want my experience to be a good one, and one I won’t forget. I want
to be able to sit on the airplane comfortably, and not squeezed in, and
not be embarrassed if the seat belt doesn’t fit, or if I’m told I need
to buy another seat. And, that’s not the only reason why I’m on this
journey. I also want to get healthy and make changes in my life.
I invite you to follow me, and keep up with me to encourage me, and
offer me any assistance I may need from fellow “losers” who are also on
this awesome journey to have a better, healthier, “skinnier” life. I
will also do the same.
I want to go to London looking fab and fit. I will still be
considered obese, but I know I will feel and look a lot better than I do
now. I want to be able to walk and walk and walk while there and visit
most of the museums and sights that are for a tourist like me. I want to
have confidence, something I’ve never had before and want to be able to
socialize with my in-laws without having to worry what I look like, and
struggling to walk.
Below, is LONG.
I hope you will read it and I hope it gives someone out there the
strength and encouragement you may need while losing weight.
My weight loss journey diary-
I’m starting this journal 40 pounds lighter from when I started my
journey. I still have lots to lose, but feel so much better physically
and mentally. I can WALK and move with no problem. My back no longer
hurts, and I no longer feel as heavy as I once did 40 pounds ago.
I first started Weight Watchers Online on June 1, 2011. I weighed in at a
little over 350 pounds. I did not want to record anything higher than
that number because I was ashamed of such huge numbers. I entered 350 as
my start up weight on my Weight Watchers account. When I first started
on the program, I lived such a dark, depressing, miserable, heavy life. I
struggled everyday physically. I could hardly stand for more than 3
minutes. I dreaded getting out of bed in the mornings to go downstairs
to work. Before getting out of bed, I wondered, how am I going to make
it to the bathroom without my back hurting and carrying so much weight.
It was hard. I was very heavy and could hardly carry my weight. I also
avoided going to any stores. I would make my children go in to do any
shopping or anything we needed because I just couldn’t do it. It was
hard carrying so much weight around.
We took a trip in May of 2011, just before I started WW. We went to
Los Angeles, and that was a nightmare. We went to
Olvera Street, and
parked at the train station right across the street. It was awful! We
walked from the parking lot, crossed the street, and I remember there
was a man playing some kind of instrument, and I stopped to see
him just so I could lean against the wall in front of me, and rest some
of my weight on it. I was sweating, my back hurt so bad, I was dying (of
course not literally). I wanted to go back to the car and just sit in
there. We walked up a little more about a minute, which was a little
uphill. And I mean, just a very little hill. I sat down near a tree that
had a resting stop. I remember some man looking at me. I can tell he
knew I was in pain. I was so embarrassed. Not because of him. But
because of myself, and ashamed how I let myself get like that. Elizabeth (my daughter)
knew I was struggling. I can tell she felt bad, but upset at the same
time that we didn’t get to walk around and browse like she wanted to. We
did walk a little, but the whole time, I was in pain and needed to sit.
It was a very awful time and a sad vacation.
Parking from the parking garage and walking up to the hotel room was also a
struggle. Waiting for the elevator was so hard as well. I could hardly
stand and was in pain from my lower back. My stomach was weighing me
down.
When we got back home, I should first mention that my obesity really
gave me a lot of anxiety, and panic attacks. I panicked and worried
constantly about my health. Even though I had anxiety attacks about
having a stroke, or heart attack, I still kept filling my body with
junk. My anxiety would keep me up all night. I’d be filled with worry. I
wondered about my blood pressure being so high. I took my blood
pressure constantly on my little wrist machine I bought from Walgreens.
After coming back from that trip, I promised my kids, Elizabeth and
Brendan, that we were all going to go on Weight Watchers. I knew nothing
about the program. I always saw the commercials with Jennifer Hudson,
and that got me interested in joining, seeing how she lost so much
weight. The kids and I looked up diets online, and WW, came up as the
number one program for weight loss. I called the phone number the next
day, and the man on the phone explained exactly what the program was about. I
was thrilled that you did not have to order any special food, and could
basically eat whatever you wanted in moderation. It sounded good, but I
didn’t join yet. The kids and I took pictures of ourselves that day to
use for our starting weight and journal. I could not believe what I
looked like when I saw mine. I had them take pictures of my front, back
and sides. I was seriously in shock, and disgusted with what I had
become. My neck and chin connected, my arms stuck out as if I was going
to fly. My bottom stomach was enormous and hung down so much. My legs
and ankles were swollen. That was a big thing for me because I had never had
big legs or ankles. My legs and ankles were always small and
ankles were boney. You could hardly tell I had any bones.
When it was time for the kids to go to bed, they made sure I was sure
we would join Weight Watchers the next day. I believe this was the last
day of May. That night while in bed, on my laptop, I decided to go on
YouTube and see if there were any videos of people who had been on
Weight Watchers. I was surprised by the number of videos related to
weight loss. I saw this one young girl’s videos named
Ashley, who weight
almost 300 pounds, and had lost over 100 pounds, who was now in the
160s. I was amazed and blown away, and wondered if I can do that too. I
watched her first video she made of her when she weighed 300 pounds and
her second time trying WW. She made weekly videos. I browsed through a
few of them, and went to her last video she had uploaded. I was in awe.
And could not believe how good she looked, and how much weight she had
lost. She was a completely different person. You can tell her confidence
was higher, and she just felt better about herself. She made a video
collage of her before and after pictures, trying on her before clothes
as well, and showing how big they were now on her. That inspired me to
just go for it, and to start the next day. I
remember crying, and telling myself I can do it. I said it won’t be
easy, but I can do it. I also reminded myself that it will take a very
long time, which is one of the main reasons why I never wanted to lose
weight. I thought it would take forever, so what was the point. I then
told myself. Would I rather be gaining weight, and be 100 pounds heavier
in one year, or would I rather be 100 pounds lighter? I kept that with
me, and still do till this day. I still have those days where I say,
this is taking forever and I’m still so fat. But, I just keep reminding
myself it will take time.
I should also mention some very private moments, that I would never
share with anyone, but I feel it is necessary to just put it all out
there to maybe inspire someone and for my own, personal diary and
journey. Going to the bathroom, taking a shower, and getting dressed was
a chore! I dreaded having to go to the bathroom. I could not wipe my
rear, or front. I had to shift my stomach to the left side of my leg to
even try to attempt to wipe. I wiped as best
as I could. When it was time to wipe my back , I shifted my
stomach back to where it should be. I put one hand on the wall to pivot
myself around to try to wipe. It was very hard. I could hardly get
myself clean when I would urinate. This is probably one of the most
embarrassing moments being obese, but when I would urinate, and was
still wet down there from not being able to wipe, I would take a towel,
t-shirt or whatever was around and make it into a “butt floss” kind of
gadget and “floss” myself with it just to try (it's almost funny). I did that so many times
and had to wash a lot of clothes. I remember while sitting on the toilet
really wondering whether I should embarrass myself even more by buying
one of those wiper wands called, Freedom Wand Self Wipe Toilet Aid. I
mentioned it to Paul, but not in a real serious way just to see if he
would agree with me. He didn’t. He laughed, and said, yeah right, you
don’t need that. Little did he know. I sure as hell did.
Taking showers and getting dressed. Oh, man. Talk about struggle.
That was hard standing there and not being able to wash myself. My mom
offered me her sitting chair to put in the shower, but I declined and
pretended I didn’t need it, when I sure as heck
did need it. Getting
dressed was also a big hassle. I had to learn to live like the obese
person that I am, changing the way I put on clothes. I had a hard time getting my
underwear and pants up because my stomach would stop them from going up, so I figured
out a way to make it easier. I leaned forward, and stretched the garment
out to move it up and over my stomach, which worked like a charm! I still do
this because my stomach is still massive, but things are much better. I
can use the bathroom now with no problem, and wiping is easy with no
struggles.
Sex? Forget it! I remember the times we did do it, not being able to
breathe. I remember wanting him to stop because I could not breathe and
thought I was going to pass out.
Sitting at my desk for work was awful. My stomach rested on my legs,
which are not that big, and took all that weight every day for the past 5
years, which made my ankles become swollen. My stomach hurt my legs
every day. I would open my legs so my stomach wouldn’t need my legs to
hold it. It was so huge, it still rested on these poor things. I always
wished I had some kind of table to put under my desk that would hold my
stomach up. I actually tried doing that one time with the pull out tray
that held the keyboard. I put my chair all the way up and took the
keyboard out from the tray, and rested my stomach on it, and felt relief
for a few seconds, and then the thing broke! Oh, boy.
June 1, 2011 came the next day, I signed up for Weight Watchers and
actually told myself, I’ll start this tomorrow. I stopped, and said,
WAIT a minute! What the hell am I thinking? I will start today. I
started off with I believe was 56 points. I am now at 45 points a day. I
can eat what I want and I have the choice of eating extra if I want to.
You get 49 extra weekly points to use if you wish in one day, or break
them up whichever way you want. You also earn activity points, and can
trade those in for food. I usually earn 4 activity points a day. When I
first started to exercise, I could hardly do 3 minutes. I remember
sweating and feeling so tired and overwhelmed mentally and physically.
Everyday little by little I pushed myself I did 5 minutes one day, the
next 6 minutes, one day 8 minutes, then 10 and then hit 18 minutes. I
remember that day so well. I remember after doing those 18 minutes, just
crying my heart out because I was so proud of myself, and could not
believe I did it. I am now up to just a little over 30 minutes a day.
It’s still hard, but much, much easier. I no longer dread getting out of
bed, and I no longer make the kids go into the store. I get off
everywhere, and can do so much more. Even though I’m only 40 pounds
down, I feel so much better, and have a much more positive attitude
towards food and weight loss. I gave up chocolate for one year. I
started that in December. I haven’t had any chocolate since then. I
don’t even crave it. I also just gave up anything pastry, such as cake,
cupcakes, muffins etc. I just gave that up two weeks ago. It’s been
easy, and I also don’t crave cupcakes, which are by far, my favorite. If
I want something sweet, I’ll have a Hunts butterscotch pudding. 3
Points Plus for that little thing, but for now it will do. I will also
have some Honey Nut Cheerios, if I have a sweet tooth. I no longer eat
red meat either.
LONDON, ENGLAND. The United Kingdom! Somewhere I have
always wanted to visit. Somewhere I thought I would never go because of
my weight and fears. The weight caused all these fears now that I think
about it. I decided to give myself a challenge. I challenged myself to
be right around 200 pounds in May 2013 by the time we leave for our
vacation. I have 14 months to lose 110 pounds. I am going to work hard
and hope to be in size 18 pants. I’m in a 28 right now. And believe me,
these are pretty snug. The stomach part especially.
I have so much to say, but will add more when I think of more and of
course update weekly, daily or monthly on my progress. I don’t know how
often, and I tend to forget a lot of things. I will update tomorrow
since tomorrow (Wednesday) is my weigh in. As of my last weigh in on
March 14, 2012, I was 310 pounds even. I weighed in today just for the
heck of it, and was 307 something. I hope to be the same or lower. I
will be so sad if it’s any higher.
So, with all that having being said. I shall be back again
tomorrow for my weekly weigh in. Thank you for anyone who may have read
this. I appreciate it.
As they say in England, “cheers”.
