Hi, this is my first blog. Never blogged before, so please excuse me if I seem like a noob. Which, of course, I am
Welcome! I am on a journey to lose 110 pounds by May of 2013. I don’t know if I will be able to do it, but I’m going to give it all I got. I am very determined as I am going on a trip of a lifetime to London, England. This will be my first time visiting that country, and my first time being out of the United States.
I need to get down to 200 pounds. Yes, that makes me an obese 310 pound woman.
My husband is from London, England, and hasn’t been back since we got married in 2005. He is very excited, but probably not as excited as I am.
I want my experience to be a good one, and one I won’t forget. I want to be able to sit on the airplane comfortably, and not squeezed in, and not be embarrassed if the seat belt doesn’t fit, or if I’m told I need to buy another seat. And, that’s not the only reason why I’m on this journey. I also want to get healthy and make changes in my life.
I invite you to follow me, and keep up with me to encourage me, and offer me any assistance I may need from fellow “losers” who are also on this awesome journey to have a better, healthier, “skinnier” life. I will also do the same.
I want to go to London looking fab and fit. I will still be considered obese, but I know I will feel and look a lot better than I do now. I want to be able to walk and walk and walk while there and visit most of the museums and sights that are for a tourist like me. I want to have confidence, something I’ve never had before and want to be able to socialize with my in-laws without having to worry what I look like, and struggling to walk.

Below, is  LONG.
I hope you will read it and I hope it gives someone out there the strength and encouragement you may need while losing weight.

My weight loss journey diary-
I’m starting this journal 40 pounds lighter from when I started my journey. I still have lots to lose, but feel so much better physically and mentally. I can WALK and move with no problem. My back no longer hurts, and I no longer feel as heavy as I once did 40 pounds ago.
I first started Weight Watchers Online on June 1, 2011. I weighed in at a little over 350 pounds. I did not want to record anything higher than that number because I was ashamed of such huge numbers. I entered 350 as my start up weight on my Weight Watchers account. When I first started on the program, I lived such a dark, depressing, miserable, heavy life. I struggled everyday physically. I could hardly stand for more than 3 minutes. I dreaded getting out of bed in the mornings to go downstairs to work. Before getting out of bed, I wondered, how am I going to make it to the bathroom without my back hurting and carrying so much weight. It was hard. I was very heavy and could hardly carry my weight. I also avoided going to any stores. I would make my children go in to do any shopping or anything we needed because I just couldn’t do it. It was hard carrying so much weight around.

We took a trip in May of 2011, just before I started WW. We went to Los Angeles, and that was a nightmare. We went to Olvera Street, and parked at the train station right across the street. It was awful! We walked from the parking lot, crossed the street, and I remember there was a man playing some kind of  instrument, and I stopped to see him just so I could lean against the wall in front of me, and rest some of my weight on it. I was sweating, my back hurt so bad, I was dying (of course not literally). I wanted to go back to the car and just sit in there. We walked up a little more about a minute, which was a little uphill. And I mean, just a very little hill. I sat down near a tree that had a resting stop. I remember some man looking at me. I can tell he knew I was in pain. I was so embarrassed. Not because of him. But because of myself, and ashamed how I let myself get like that. Elizabeth (my daughter) knew I was struggling. I can tell she felt bad, but upset at the same time that we didn’t get to walk around and browse like she wanted to. We did walk a little, but the whole time, I was in pain and needed to sit. It was a very awful time and a sad vacation.

Parking from the parking garage and walking up to the hotel room was also a struggle. Waiting for the elevator was so hard as well. I could hardly stand and was in pain from my lower back. My stomach was weighing me down.

When we got back home, I should first mention that my obesity really gave me a lot of anxiety, and panic attacks. I panicked and worried constantly about my health. Even though I had anxiety attacks about having a stroke, or heart attack, I still kept filling my body with junk. My anxiety would keep me up all night. I’d be filled with worry.  I wondered about my blood pressure being so high. I took my blood pressure constantly on my little wrist machine I bought from Walgreens. After coming back from that trip, I promised my kids, Elizabeth and Brendan, that we were all going to go on Weight Watchers. I knew nothing about the program. I always saw the commercials with Jennifer Hudson, and that got me interested in joining, seeing how she lost so much weight. The kids and I looked up diets online, and WW, came up as the number one program for weight loss. I called the phone number the next day, and  the man on the phone explained exactly what the program was about. I was thrilled that you did not have to order any special food, and could basically eat whatever you wanted in moderation. It sounded good, but I didn’t join yet. The kids and I took pictures of ourselves that day to use for our starting weight and journal. I could not believe what I looked like when I saw mine. I had them take pictures of my front, back and sides. I was seriously in shock, and disgusted with what I had become.  My neck and chin connected, my arms stuck out as if I was going to fly. My bottom stomach was enormous and hung down so much. My legs and ankles were swollen. That was a big thing for me because I had never had big legs or ankles. My legs and ankles were always  small and ankles were boney. You could hardly tell I had any bones.
When it was time for the kids to go to bed, they made sure I was sure we would join Weight Watchers the next day. I believe this was the last day of May. That night while in bed, on my laptop, I decided to go on YouTube and see if there were any videos of people who had been on Weight Watchers. I was surprised by the number of videos related to weight loss. I saw this one young girl’s videos named Ashley, who weight almost 300 pounds, and had lost over 100 pounds, who was now in the 160s. I was amazed and blown away, and wondered if I can do that too. I watched her first video she made of her when she weighed 300 pounds and her second time trying WW. She made weekly videos. I browsed through a few of them, and went to her last video she had uploaded. I was in awe. And could not believe how good she looked, and how much weight she had lost. She was a completely different person. You can tell her confidence was higher, and she just felt better about herself. She made a video collage of her before and after pictures, trying on her before clothes as well, and showing how big they were now on her. That inspired me to just go for it, and to start the next day.  I remember crying, and telling myself  I can do it. I said it won’t be easy, but I can do it. I also reminded myself that it will take a very long time, which is one of the main reasons why I never wanted to lose weight. I thought it would take forever, so what was the point. I then told myself. Would I rather be gaining weight, and be 100 pounds heavier in one year, or would I rather be 100 pounds lighter? I kept that with me, and still do till this day. I still have those days where I say, this is taking forever and I’m still so fat. But, I just keep reminding myself it will take time.

I should also mention some very private moments,  that I would never share with anyone, but I feel it is necessary to just put it all out there to maybe inspire someone and for my own, personal  diary and journey. Going to the bathroom, taking a shower, and getting dressed was a chore! I dreaded having to go to the bathroom. I could not wipe my rear, or front. I had to shift my stomach to the left side of my leg to even try to attempt to wipe.  I wiped as best as I could. When it was time to wipe my back , I shifted my stomach back to where it should be. I put one hand on the wall to pivot myself around to try to wipe. It was very hard. I could hardly get myself clean when I would urinate. This is probably one of the most embarrassing moments being obese, but when I would urinate, and was still wet down there from not being able to wipe, I would take a towel, t-shirt or whatever was around and make it into a “butt floss” kind of gadget and “floss” myself with it just to try (it's almost funny). I did that so many times and had to wash a lot of clothes. I remember while sitting on the toilet really wondering whether I should embarrass myself even more by buying one of those wiper wands called, Freedom Wand Self Wipe Toilet Aid. I mentioned it to Paul, but not in a real serious way just to see if he would agree with me. He didn’t. He laughed, and said, yeah right, you don’t need that. Little did he know. I sure as hell did.

Taking showers and getting dressed. Oh, man. Talk about struggle. That was hard standing there and not being able to wash myself. My mom offered me her sitting chair to put in the shower, but I declined and pretended I didn’t need it, when I sure as heck did need it. Getting dressed was also a big hassle. I had to learn to live like the obese person that I am, changing the way I put on clothes. I had a hard time getting my underwear and pants up because my stomach would stop them from going up, so I figured out a way to make it easier. I leaned forward, and stretched the garment out to move it up and over my stomach, which worked like a charm! I still do this because my stomach is still massive, but things are much better. I can use the bathroom now with no problem, and wiping is easy with no struggles.

Sex? Forget it! I remember the times we did do it, not being able to breathe. I remember wanting him to stop because I could not breathe and thought I was going to pass out.

Sitting at my desk for work was awful. My stomach rested on my legs, which are not that big, and took all that weight every day for the past 5 years, which made my ankles become swollen. My stomach hurt my legs every day. I would open my legs so my stomach wouldn’t need my legs to hold it. It was so huge, it still rested on these poor things. I always wished I had some kind of table to put under my desk that would hold my stomach up. I actually tried doing that one time with the pull out tray that held the keyboard. I put my chair all the way up and took the keyboard out from the tray, and rested my stomach on it, and felt relief for a few seconds, and then the thing broke! Oh, boy.

June 1, 2011 came the next day, I signed up for Weight Watchers and actually told myself, I’ll start this tomorrow. I stopped, and said, WAIT a minute! What the hell am I thinking? I will start today. I started off with I believe was 56 points. I am now at 45 points a day. I can eat what I want and I have the choice of eating extra if I want to. You get 49 extra weekly points to use if you wish in one day, or break them up whichever way you want. You also earn activity points, and can trade those in for food. I usually earn 4 activity points a day. When I first started to exercise, I could hardly do 3 minutes. I remember sweating and feeling so tired and overwhelmed mentally and physically. Everyday little by little I pushed myself I did 5 minutes one day, the next 6 minutes, one day 8 minutes, then 10 and then hit 18 minutes. I remember that day so well. I remember after doing those 18 minutes, just crying my heart out because I was so proud of myself, and could not believe I did it. I am now up to just a little over 30 minutes a day. It’s still hard, but much, much easier. I no longer dread getting out of bed, and I no longer make the kids go into the store. I get off everywhere, and can do so much more. Even though I’m only 40 pounds down, I feel so much better, and have a much more positive attitude towards food and weight loss. I gave up chocolate for one year. I started that in December. I haven’t had any chocolate since then. I don’t even crave it. I also just gave up anything pastry, such as cake, cupcakes, muffins etc. I just gave that up two weeks ago. It’s been easy, and I also don’t crave cupcakes, which are by far, my favorite. If I want something sweet, I’ll have a Hunts butterscotch pudding. 3 Points Plus for that little thing, but for now it will do. I will also have some Honey Nut Cheerios, if I have a sweet tooth. I no longer eat red meat either.

 LONDON, ENGLAND. The United Kingdom! Somewhere I have always wanted to visit. Somewhere I thought I would never go because of my weight and fears. The weight caused all these fears now that I think about it. I decided to give myself a challenge. I challenged myself to be right around 200 pounds in May 2013 by the time we leave for our vacation.  I have 14 months to lose 110 pounds. I am going to work hard and hope to be in size 18 pants. I’m in a 28 right now. And believe me, these are pretty snug. The stomach part especially.

I have so much to say, but will add more when I think of more and of course update weekly, daily or monthly on my progress. I don’t know how often, and I tend to forget a lot of things. I will update tomorrow since tomorrow (Wednesday) is my weigh in. As of my last weigh in on March 14, 2012, I was 310 pounds even. I weighed in today just for the heck of it, and was 307 something. I hope to be the same or lower. I will be so sad if it’s any higher.

So, with all that  having being said. I shall be back again tomorrow for my weekly weigh in. Thank you for anyone who may have read this. I appreciate it.
As they say in England, “cheers”.